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Saturday, 18 April 2015

Confessions of a Fit Fat Chick

The fun continues in Singapore, with my routine continuing: Up, gym, work, home, bed. Repeat Monday to Friday then spend Saturday and Sunday running around Singapore trying to see everything and experience new things!
Work is so busy that the 12 hour days don't seem like there's enough time in them to get all of my work done, but it's better to be busy than bored!

With the gym; I've never been a fit or natural lover of fitness. I have always had to work hard at it, never see results and am always injured. I am envious of others who either don't need to exercise to look good, or those who it appears that fitness, speed, agility etc all come naturally to them. I've finally become sick of my own excuses, tired of "I'll start tomorrow" and have decided to do something about it.

Cue Operation #FitFatChick. 
The aim? Only to be healthier and fitter.

I decided, over 2 months ago, to change my lifestyle. Not my life; (cos I've enough upheaval of that at the moment!), but my lifestyle. Gradually - mind you - as my usual bull-dozing approach has always previously lead to failure. As part of the slow upheaval of my relatively unhealthy lifestyle, I think I need to make some confessions and face up to some home truths about myself. Wow, I'm actually embarrassed writing this!

I appear to have a few characteristics that always get in the way of any previous attempt on the quest to look like Beyonce:

1) I'm unrealistic. See above Beyonce comment.
2) I'm impatient with things that I want. If I get something into my head, then I want it/to do it immediately. This causes a problem when it takes more than a day/week/month to get the body I have in my head that I'd be happy with (again, see above Beyonce comment!). This leads to my getting frustrated and stopping - thinking it's pointless.
3) I'm all or nothing. With everything I either 150% apply myself or I'm not interested. I stress out if I'm in between. I usually take two many things in life on and then kill myself as I try to juggle them all. In respect to fitness, I will go head-first into it; food, fitness etc, but again burn out or Point Number 2 will come into effect and I'll stop a month or two down the line.
4) I love food. As ANY of you know me, I am all about food and when I can have it next. :) Diets and Ciara don't mix - if I think I can't have a certain thing to eat, then all I can think of is eating that thing; irrespective if I would normally eat it or not! I have a very sweet tooth and struggle to stay away - which brings Point Number 3 into play, when I manage to stay away from "bad things" for a while and then collapse in a spectacular ball of sweet wrappers and chocolate smeared on my face.
5) Not seeing the good things. I'm very self-critical. I find it very hard to take a compliment and second guess myself all of the time. I think I look fat in everything, I compare myself to every other female on Earth and find it extremely hard to see positive things in the physical aspect of myself.

Well Dr. Phil, what do I do to get around this? I can hear it now - "You need to remember that no matter how slow or weak you feel, you're better than you were the day before and you're lapping everyone on the couch. Think long-term goals and just "do a bit every day" rather than "In 6 weeks I'm going to look like Kelly Brook" or something. Think positively - don't compare yourself to anyone else."
Yea, yea, yea, I know the answers, I just have to start listening to them.

I have to confess that I've never been happy with the way that I look. From as far back as I can remember I have struggled with my image; millions of diets, hundreds of different hair-cuts and styles - all in an effort to change the physical way I look. Probably why I'll take a MILLION photos and then trawl though them, edit them on Instagram within an inch of their lives and only then think about posting them. Yes...that's what I look like every day...! :) I don't know where it comes from - but it's an aspect of my life that I decided to tackle upon arriving in Singapore.

So - 7 weeks in now so I thought I could come out and write it without the pressure of a week-by-week account of how it's going in the beginning. I've been going to the gym 6 days a week; even for only 30 mins in the morning. I'm tackling the fitness side of my personal challenge first and then will focus on the Cleaner Eating side when I get home to Melbourne as it's too expensive to cook here in Singapore. I'm eating healthy choices from Monday to Friday, but then letting myself enjoy Singapore with a dessert or two over the weekend! Well I did say baby steps... :)
Learning what to eat and training my mind to think differently will be the biggest challenge when I get back I think. Time to start cooking again Skittles! To not get serious FOMO and think that I'm "missing out", to remember that I don't need to eat a meal big enough to feed two families at every sitting, to know it's OK to not lick the plate clean each time I eat...minor details that need addressing! :)

Anyway, without going all "I'm born again" crap on this, I just thought that personally I needed to put down in words what my struggles were, to take ownership of them and then tackle them head-on. it's about me and my thing. Plus, if I put them in my blog then I kind of HAVE to keep going - uh-oh...sh*t just got real... :)

7 weeks in and I confess that I still don't see results; but hey - if it means that I'm stronger or fitter, healthier, happier or less stressed, then it's not been in vain.
Continuing to think long-term, not short; to remember that life is for living and to enjoy it - This #FitFatChick just would like to be a bit healthier and fitter whilst continuing to do that! :)

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